my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
