I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
