I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
