Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
