I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
