The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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