She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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