"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Someone signed my nipple.
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