u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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