She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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