Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
