Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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