There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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