hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
