I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
