Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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