I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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