You're completely useless in the revolution.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
