Your face is a jimmy john
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
