nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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