Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize