watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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