Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
