I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
