It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
