I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
