Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
COCAINE IS GR8
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