so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
