When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
