Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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