This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
