YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE