Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian