Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour

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  (954): i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour http://tfl.nu/3p9u
  Replies (10) Good night (2573) Bad night (1514)
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  (516): View more from New York

  what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina

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  (516): what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina http://tfl.nu/zqnz
  Replies (92) Good night (1145) Bad night (5474)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem

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  (704): the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem http://tfl.nu/ycgy
  Replies (10) Good night (3948) Bad night (664)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it

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  (201): so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it http://tfl.nu/kytb
  Replies (18) Good night (1299) Bad night (4749)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

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  (860): The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uswo
  Replies (14) Good night (1286) Bad night (4313)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"

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  (918): My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?" http://tfl.nu/ksw8
  Replies (13) Good night (5106) Bad night (952)
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  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

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  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (43) Good night (3201) Bad night (6714)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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  (443): At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead... http://tfl.nu/ukld
  Replies (10) Good night (759) Bad night (4340)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.

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  (608): I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP. http://tfl.nu/f5ki
  Replies (3) Good night (3228) Bad night (738)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight

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  (412): I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight http://tfl.nu/88wf
  Replies (8) Good night (3592) Bad night (890)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.

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  (434): It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me. http://tfl.nu/2yad
  Replies (12) Good night (4209) Bad night (782)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I had to rip your toilet paper for you...

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  (914): I had to rip your toilet paper for you... http://tfl.nu/xdup
  Replies (3) Good night (511) Bad night (742)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks

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  (204): Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks http://tfl.nu/u0ub
  Replies (1) Good night (413) Bad night (338)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  $450 apparently whoopwhoop

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  (412): How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in? (412): $450 apparently whoopwhoop http://tfl.nu/9hqx
  Replies (6) Good night (246) Bad night (512)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon

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  (970): She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon http://tfl.nu/u33x
  Replies (0) Good night (555) Bad night (176)

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