i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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