you suck at this game today
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...