The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
