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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook

  (301): View more from Maryland

  it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.

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• (718): View more from New York

  he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

  (1-718): View more from New York

  I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

  (718): View more from New York

  the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  She just said, "are my livers going to die?"

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?

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• (347): View more from New York

  You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian

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