Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.