guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
