I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i've created a new STD.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
