Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
