There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
