Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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