So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
