There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
