did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
