if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize