so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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