i just had sex bonerless
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
