Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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