Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
