tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
