I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
