You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
