I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
