He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
