oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize