ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
