his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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