I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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