kristin has been a bad kristin
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
