Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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