from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
