He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
