Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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