Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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