Texts From Last Night

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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.

  (1-731): View more from Tennessee

  ohh what kind?

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  (731): new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street. (1-731): ohh what kind? http://tfl.nu/u9xt
  Replies (18) Good night (1352) Bad night (2538)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I could make wine with my vomit

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  (503): I could make wine with my vomit http://tfl.nu/9wng
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (2770)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj

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  (617): anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj http://tfl.nu/74ok
  Replies (76) Good night (6814) Bad night (864)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.

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  (678): He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went. http://tfl.nu/yfsi
  Replies (38) Good night (5566) Bad night (1400)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis

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  (215): This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis http://tfl.nu/mvim
  Replies (17) Good night (1684) Bad night (2839)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?

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  (614): He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual? http://tfl.nu/dfsm
  Replies (7) Good night (2735) Bad night (1134)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light

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  (203): Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light http://tfl.nu/z2qb
  Replies (5) Good night (2087) Bad night (1193)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.

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  (540): Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good. http://tfl.nu/d8mv
  Replies (5) Good night (2013) Bad night (853)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.

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  (903): And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table. http://tfl.nu/a0uv
  Replies (1) Good night (723) Bad night (370)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone

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  (828): I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone http://tfl.nu/fll1
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (976)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.

  (941): View more from Florida

  I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.

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  (941): So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar. (941): I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/b83h
  Replies (4) Good night (632) Bad night (731)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.

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  (480): The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/7s4x
  Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (282)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits

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  (301): I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits http://tfl.nu/pmw9
  Replies (3) Good night (276) Bad night (571)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil

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  (716): i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil http://tfl.nu/yi7i
  Replies (1) Good night (289) Bad night (551)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning

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  (226): I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning http://tfl.nu/d86s
  Replies (0) Good night (345) Bad night (194)

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