I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dating After Heartbreak
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have aggressive nipples.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.