We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.