Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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