Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I gave up sex with dolphins for you.

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  (815): I gave up sex with dolphins for you. http://tfl.nu/rt8h
  Replies (10) Good night (1266) Bad night (751)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

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  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (22355) Bad night (1602)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that

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  (734): I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that http://tfl.nu/jwk4
  Replies (12) Good night (3706) Bad night (918)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

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  (502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj
  Replies (12) Good night (5129) Bad night (1218)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall

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  (719): we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall http://tfl.nu/c3tv
  Replies (11) Good night (3859) Bad night (1423)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B

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  (610): He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B http://tfl.nu/k0kn
  Replies (13) Good night (3106) Bad night (1292)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.

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  (503): Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook. http://tfl.nu/p6bz
  Replies (15) Good night (8164) Bad night (1202)
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  (949): View more from California

  Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.

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  (949): Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive. http://tfl.nu/to91
  Replies (15) Good night (2118) Bad night (1338)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha

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  (817): your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha http://tfl.nu/t468
  Replies (8) Good night (2105) Bad night (965)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops

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  (908): Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops http://tfl.nu/wq2e
  Replies (7) Good night (2422) Bad night (346)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.

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  (570): He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point. http://tfl.nu/lnts
  Replies (4) Good night (529) Bad night (385)
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  (925): View more from California

  A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.

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  (925): A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/wou7
  Replies (4) Good night (757) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  May the force be with you.

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  (847): bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died. (309): May the force be with you. http://tfl.nu/776r
  Replies (4) Good night (1031) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me

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  (317): Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me http://tfl.nu/2azp
  Replies (1) Good night (420) Bad night (217)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.

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  (608): He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love. http://tfl.nu/9m9h
  Replies (1) Good night (770) Bad night (222)

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