your thong is hanging out like whoa
She is in my trunk
Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need a beard to bite.