just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood