Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it