Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

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  (804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp
  Replies (8) Good night (825) Bad night (2598)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod

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  (720): she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod http://tfl.nu/2sd3
  Replies (6) Good night (5663) Bad night (1016)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"

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  (587): the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away" http://tfl.nu/q751
  Replies (7) Good night (957) Bad night (4964)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

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  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
  Replies (19) Good night (6820) Bad night (1001)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.

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  (908): i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend. http://tfl.nu/myz5
  Replies (7) Good night (3268) Bad night (632)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.

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  (630): The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time. http://tfl.nu/80xt
  Replies (7) Good night (2808) Bad night (543)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  trapped on the roof of the strip club. help

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  (513): trapped on the roof of the strip club. help http://tfl.nu/oy6k
  Replies (6) Good night (2040) Bad night (520)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.

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  (215): I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics. http://tfl.nu/u5tf
  Replies (4) Good night (1213) Bad night (493)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.

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  (304): I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck. http://tfl.nu/h7qy
  Replies (3) Good night (819) Bad night (381)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???

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  (413): i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown??? http://tfl.nu/ek0c
  Replies (3) Good night (660) Bad night (322)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....

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  (843): Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom..... http://tfl.nu/jt5r
  Replies (3) Good night (415) Bad night (287)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You texted me a picture of your face along with #help

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  (410): You texted me a picture of your face along with #help http://tfl.nu/jxdb
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (329)
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  (585): View more from New York

  He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants

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  (585): He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants http://tfl.nu/sshj
  Replies (7) Good night (583) Bad night (387)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  great clearly means different things to us

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  (919): The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories (1-919): Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences (919): great clearly means different things to us http://tfl.nu/ha8x
  Replies (2) Good night (708) Bad night (252)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.

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  (214): I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing. http://tfl.nu/945s
  Replies (14) Good night (1440) Bad night (184)

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