Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.

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  (812): Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background. (917): Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex. (812): Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds. http://tfl.nu/5x1m
  Replies (32) Good night (577) Bad night (1807)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.

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  (814): I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave. http://tfl.nu/ropw
  Replies (2) Good night (1578) Bad night (786)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman

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  (440): Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman http://tfl.nu/2u4y
  Replies (9) Good night (692) Bad night (4043)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"

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  (404): yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you" http://tfl.nu/otku
  Replies (11) Good night (3546) Bad night (769)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.

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  (515): Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him. http://tfl.nu/f51r
  Replies (5) Good night (865) Bad night (2484)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.

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  (563): She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me. http://tfl.nu/so2a
  Replies (35) Good night (7896) Bad night (1784)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing

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  (513): All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing http://tfl.nu/d7sz
  Replies (1) Good night (627) Bad night (1190)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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  (301): Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip. http://tfl.nu/7yby
  Replies (64) Good night (3148) Bad night (5369)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass

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  (845): I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass http://tfl.nu/26l8
  Replies (8) Good night (1920) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep

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  (412): It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep http://tfl.nu/wopt
  Replies (3) Good night (941) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.

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  (757): I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration. http://tfl.nu/xlpu
  Replies (5) Good night (1323) Bad night (562)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just took the cheapest shot in your honor

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  (304): I just took the cheapest shot in your honor http://tfl.nu/u3ke
  Replies (1) Good night (985) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.

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  (309): I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina. http://tfl.nu/4eep
  Replies (1) Good night (656) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life

  (714): View more from California

  It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me

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  (714): Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life (714): It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me http://tfl.nu/94hn
  Replies (3) Good night (992) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Maybe he injected his testicle?

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  (619): Maybe he injected his testicle? http://tfl.nu/d1yk
  Replies (4) Good night (203) Bad night (514)

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