so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
